Thankful

It has come to my attention that it has been a good while from the last time I put up a post.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say, but with finishing up the school year, playing all summer and starting a new school year, and now the holidays have already started there has been more focus on other things.  But I'm back to sharing many, many thoughts with all two of you who read my blog.

In October 2003 I found out that I was pregnant having a 15 month old already it was a little overwhelming but hey a lot of people have kids two years apart (and less) I was sure I'd learn how to make it work.  Turned out I didn't have to, on November 26 I lost the baby at 11 weeks.  I don't have many memories of that night at the hospital,  I do remember when we went in I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal maybe a 'take it easy and see your doctor on Monday' then I was going to go make a pie and chill for the long weekend.  It was the day before Thanksgiving.  I didn't say much that Thanksgiving and was glad, very glad, that my family doesn't have the tradition of going around saying what we are most thankful for.  Because while I knew that there were a lot of good things in my life, I was consumed with the grief that day.  After all the family gathering my dear husband to me and our little girl home and I cried, again.  But before the weekend was over I'd gone empty, I guess is a good way to put it.  I didn't talk to anyone who didn't talk to me first, I didn't do anything I didn't have to, and even sitting watching TV I was zoned out to nothing really.  It's probably a good thing we lived with my brother-in-law at the time, his wife did a good deal for my one year old, which I'm now grateful for.  I was mad and instead of yelling at everyone I shut down from everyone, including my husband.
Which brings me to why this is part of having it all.  My husband we wonderful, he let me cry when I needed to, he let me blame him for things and yell when he'd really done nothing wrong, he took on extra husband and daddy duty without complaining.  And for all the caring things he did I didn't reward him well.  I, as said already, yelled at him, would hardly look at him, and barley let him kiss me good bye and good night, for more than a month.  And he stood by me.  He loved me and he took all the crap I sent his way.  If he would have been as selfish in grief as I was our love story would have headed a different direction than it did.  And I am forever thankful that it didn't.  I am thankful for the man that he is, that he was able and willing to take care of me.  I'm grateful for the little girl we had then and the two boys we've been able to add to our family since.  I am thankful to have a faith in God and his plan for me to help when life gets really bad and almost unbearable.
I love you William.