Thankful

It has come to my attention that it has been a good while from the last time I put up a post.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say, but with finishing up the school year, playing all summer and starting a new school year, and now the holidays have already started there has been more focus on other things.  But I'm back to sharing many, many thoughts with all two of you who read my blog.

In October 2003 I found out that I was pregnant having a 15 month old already it was a little overwhelming but hey a lot of people have kids two years apart (and less) I was sure I'd learn how to make it work.  Turned out I didn't have to, on November 26 I lost the baby at 11 weeks.  I don't have many memories of that night at the hospital,  I do remember when we went in I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal maybe a 'take it easy and see your doctor on Monday' then I was going to go make a pie and chill for the long weekend.  It was the day before Thanksgiving.  I didn't say much that Thanksgiving and was glad, very glad, that my family doesn't have the tradition of going around saying what we are most thankful for.  Because while I knew that there were a lot of good things in my life, I was consumed with the grief that day.  After all the family gathering my dear husband to me and our little girl home and I cried, again.  But before the weekend was over I'd gone empty, I guess is a good way to put it.  I didn't talk to anyone who didn't talk to me first, I didn't do anything I didn't have to, and even sitting watching TV I was zoned out to nothing really.  It's probably a good thing we lived with my brother-in-law at the time, his wife did a good deal for my one year old, which I'm now grateful for.  I was mad and instead of yelling at everyone I shut down from everyone, including my husband.
Which brings me to why this is part of having it all.  My husband we wonderful, he let me cry when I needed to, he let me blame him for things and yell when he'd really done nothing wrong, he took on extra husband and daddy duty without complaining.  And for all the caring things he did I didn't reward him well.  I, as said already, yelled at him, would hardly look at him, and barley let him kiss me good bye and good night, for more than a month.  And he stood by me.  He loved me and he took all the crap I sent his way.  If he would have been as selfish in grief as I was our love story would have headed a different direction than it did.  And I am forever thankful that it didn't.  I am thankful for the man that he is, that he was able and willing to take care of me.  I'm grateful for the little girl we had then and the two boys we've been able to add to our family since.  I am thankful to have a faith in God and his plan for me to help when life gets really bad and almost unbearable.
I love you William.

Sick Baby

Thursday afternoon my cute little boy started acting grumpy, so I laid him down for a nap. When he woke up poor boy had a fever after a little dinner and some medicine he was ready for bed again. Friday morning he still had a fever and was even hotter he didn't want anything to eat, but had a little bit of milk, more medicine and back to bed. I got him up to get the kids from school, making it 11 hours of sleep over night one hour awake then four more hours of sleep. He wouldn't eat lunch, but again had some milk. I didn't think much of it, it's more important to keep him hydrated while sick. Another dose of fever reducer and it was back to bed, he woke up when the fever was back up to 102.1 had some juice, of course more meds and a cuddle. Saturday wasn't quite the same story, he was too uncomfortable to sleep. Thank you sister for stopping by on your way home so I could run to the store for milk and more medicine when we ran out. Saturday was hard for me his fever got as high as 103.7 he wasn't eating and didn't even drink 8 oz of anything. He started a horrible sounding cough and got all stuffed up and snotty. Jared is out on the road so I've got no one home with me helping me to know what to do. I called my mom and weather she knew it or not, she calmed me down. My mom would come over in the morning if he was still as bad. He had a long night and woke up a few times. He was a little better on Sunday just in the fact the his fever didn't go back up as high, although it was still in the 102 area. With the fever down some I decided to wait to take him to the doctor in the morning. James spent the night in my bed, he would only sleep while cuddling with me, that was a long night. Just what everyone wants to be doing first thing Monday mornign after a long weekend, I was headed to the pediatrician's office. After all the standard stuff they put a pulse oxygen monitor on his little foot, he wasn't getting enough oxygen. We first tried a Albuterol treatment, all that did was make James cry for 10 minutes. We then went over to Primary Children's Hospital. They hooked him up to oxygen and monitors. Then they did a swab for respiratory viruses, which came back positive for RSV. There aren't any meds for RSV, just keep getting him enough oxygen, keep his fever down, and make sure he stays hydrated. First one done, second, done, third nope he wont drink much of anything yet. Poor baby had to get an IV to rehydrate him. Monday night he's in his hospital crib, which now I wish I'd taken a picture of it looked more like a cage then a crib. But after he wrapped his wires and cords around his neck, we changed out the bed and I cuddled with him all night. An even longer night then Sunday night, now I'm sharing a smaller bed with a one year old and we have nurses coming in ever 2 hours to take vitals and temp. At one point around 4am I think they had to suction out his little nose. What that is putting a small tube up his nose down to tickle his throat and suck out all the mucus. Shocker, he didn't like that. But after they were down he could breath a lot better. Some time after that his fever actually broke. By noon on Tuesday he was off the oxygen, and the fluids were turned off to see how well he would keep him self hydrated. Enough that they let me take him home Tuesday evening. I set up the playpen in my room and he sleep fine for a few hours but needed some cuddles around 2am. He's eating small amounts today, has energy back, coughing (which sounds really bad, but is a good thing) and snotting everywhere (gross, but again it's good). I'm so blessed, that I have family who keep me feed and took care of my other two kids, I'm able to take him to a doctor and hospital who can get him back to healthy, a close one at that, he is doing well. RSV can get really bad, lead to other health problems, and in some cases death, James had an easy case of RSV. I'm very grateful for the ways my kids and I were blessed through this illness. A note on daddy, like I said he is on the road with work, we called him several times. The hardest part of it for him was that he couldn't be there with us. He wanted to be able to hug me when I needed one, hold his son and comfort him. There wasn't much that I could do to help, but Jared hurt knowing there was nothing
he could do. It's okay, Jared/daddy, we know why you could be there and we love you for the sacrifices you are making to take care of your family.
The pictures are the day James was born October 2010, Christmas 2011, and the day he was blessed May 2011

10 years

Ten years ago today my parents agonized my decision as they watched me get married. I know my parents love me and they were just worried that I was making a huge mistake, caught up in the youthful fantasies of what marriage is. But I was in love and just so sure that everything would be great. Ten years later I think we were both right.
I didn't understand what they were so worried about, how could I. Young, in love, never lived on my own, and never been married, there was no way for me to see all they could and understand all their worry (they just didn't like Jared, wanted to keep me a kid, and they were too happy with me at the time either. Well that's what I thought) It has been hard at times, super fun at times, and so worth it. There was more then once in the first three years I think our stubbornness of not wanting "everyone else" to be right was the only thing that keep us fighting to make it good again and I'm so glad we have. We have had more good times then bad. Hard times that I'm glad Jared was right there for me during.
I love my husband and am so happy to have him. He as always done so much to take care of me. He sometimes, too often, feels bad that he can't give me more, but he has giving me the two best things he could ever give; his love and our amazing kids. I would change things in my life but he isn't one of them. True we could have done things better, but what's the point of wonder how things would be if we done it another way. Things are good.
I can't put into words how glad I am that on April 13 2002 Jared and I got married and haven't let anything push us apart in the last ten years. I'm so excited to see what the next ten years will bring us. And I'm sure my parents are looking forward to seeing how I do with having teen aged kids, which will come in the next ten years.

Summer Fun!!

As the weather starts to warm up and we head into the last school term for the kids I have really started to think about summer this year and what we are going to be doing. I like to keep my summers busy and full of fun. With three kids we need to keep moving or the summer will be WAY too long. I've heard many people say they don't know what do to over the long summer, or there aren't that many things to do in Salt Lake so they'd have to spend a lot of time and money to have a really fun summer. I've found that's not so true. Here is my list of summer fun we are going to do. Some are free, some are cheap and we have one big spend activity. I buy an entertainments coupon book from the schools fundraiser every year which helps cut the cost. Ready for my list;

Canyons water feature at Liberty park they've created the canyons of the salt lake valley into a fun place to splash on a hot day. The rivers from each 'canyon' run into the Jordan river and out to the Great Salt Lake. A fun way to spend the afternoon. A little nicer with older kids that you don't need to see every minute. With a picnic lunch you've got a fun free afternoon.
Clark Planetarium if you want to take it inside for a day head downtown to the planetarium plenty for the kids to see and do, it's another free one, unless you see one of the movies they have (I usually don't so all I have is I think the tickets are $6)
Hiking There are tons of great hikes up Big and Little Cottonwood and the other canyons. You can do a search on the Internet or find books. I have a great little book called Salt Lakes best Easy Day Hikes. Most short great for a family, Anthony's been hiking them from the time he was four.
To go with hiking is Camping one night or a weekend kids love to sleep in tents and cook over a fire. I love camping too.
Zoo We buy a year pass so after the initial cost it's free all year, if we go five times in a summer it's paid for it's self. Pack a lunch or eat before going and you've got another free day (I don't know what the rate is this year) (Entertainments coupon)
Antelope Island For $9 a car this is a fun day (and for us it is all day) time on the 'beach' is fun for the Utah kids who don't know what a beach is really like, do not forget your bug spray tons and tons of bugs out there. There is an old farm to explore. And to see the bison is really neat. (Although with the way gas is going we may not drive out there this year.)
Bee's Baseball we love going to the ball park for a game. We usually sit in general admission putting us down on the grass, but that way the kids can move around during the long game, there is also a playground to entertain the little ones. There is a family pass to get your whole family on the grass for all 72 home games for $200. Good if you plan on going to more then one or two games. And depending on where you are coming from there is a trax station really close to the ball park. (entertainments coupon)
Movies a lot of theaters will do summer movie programs where they show older kid movies for just $1. Typical one movie is shown a week so you'll want to know the day and time of the program. Also you cannot forget about the drive in movie!! A family favorite for us. Grab some blankets, snacks, and hop in the truck. Watching movies outside is a fun way to stay out late.
Water slide park/swimming, Bowling need I say more. (entertainments coupons, multiply coupons for many different places)
Tracy Aviary go see the birds, we typically combine this with hanging out at the park. The aviary is on the south end of Liberty Park. (entertainments coupon)
Have fun down at the Boondocks laser tag, mini golf, bumper boats, and more. Boondocks has lots of fun to be had pick on activity or all they have different packages and costs but my kids have always had a great time ( entertainments coupon)
Utah Museum of Natural History they finished the new building and have moved everything over. I worked an event here and it is amazing. You could spend hours here and see so many things. They've done it in a way that is interesting and fun.
Discovery Gateway (children's' museum) Another way to head inside on a hot day, just make sure it's not a holiday. It's a very popular spot and the one time we went it was too crowded to have much fun. But I could see how it could be tons of fun with fewer people. (entertainments coupon)
Living Planet Aquarium what's not fun about watching the fishies swim? They also have a little pool for you to pet the stingray. (entertainment coupon)
George Eccles Dinosaur Park We haven't made it to this one yet, but a big park full of life size dinos, sounds like a good time and we are headed there this year for sure. (entertainments coupon)
This is the Place Heritage Park also a favorite for us. A pioneer village in the middle of a modern city, fun look at the past. Houses, church, old stores, drug store, newspaper (where you can help print the news of the day) blacksmith shop, and more, plus a train and horse rides. And don't forget to stop and pet the goats and sheep. We are making this a spring break stop this year to see all the baby animals they have this time of the year. (entertainments coupon)
And of course Lagoon we all know about Lagoon.
There is also exploring temple square, going though the church history museum, the air force museum at Hill Air Force Base (we've been there Jared had a great time) the beehive house, touring the capital building, Kennecott copper Mine.

We have ti all written down, but who knows how much we'll do. This list doesn't include the park going on picnics, walks around the neighborhood, playing with cousins, running through the sprinklers, bowls of ice cream and Popsicles.
Summer is a great time to have ideas of what to do, but keep the plans loose. Remember the fun you had as a kid and have that kind of fun again. I hope you summer is half as fun as mine because ours is going to be AMAZING!!

(Oh and if you ever want to join us let me know we love going with other people making the day that much more fun)

Sacrifice

Sacrifice is the surrender of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher claim. Sounds fine giving up something you like for something better, but then why is it so hard to do sometimes. Do we really think we can have the thing we like and the thing we'd really like without giving up anything? Or do we just hope that it can happen that way? Sometimes it seems easy to make the choice, we sacrifice sleep to take care of our babies, sacrifice days of fun to work, (of course we do that so we can pay the bills, have a house, and eat), sacrifice dates for family nights, sacrifice sweets for a fitness. The list of things that we give up every day for better things could go on and on. But what about big things, how easy is it to make a life changing decision that will be hard and far from ideal to make life better in a year from now.
It can be hard to see past all the challenges that come with a sacrifice in order to see the thing that will be better, worth giving up the thing you already have and like having.
We can have all we want in life, but sometimes that means have very little of what you want for a short time to get all you want in the end.

“Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.” ― J.M. Barrie

I have dreams and goals in my life that I can have, will get if I wont stand in my own way. I will sacrifice the things I have and enjoy for the things that I will love and want more then what I have now. I will do it not only me but my husband who gives so much to me and my three kids who I would sacrifice everything for.

All my loves

February being the "month of love" and all did get me to thinking of all the love I do have.
Now my husband and I aren't big on Valentine's day, some years we go out others we don't, I don't think we've done gifts more then one maybe two years and that's okay with me and him. This year I spent the day sending him texts of thing he does all the time to show me he loves me. In my head it was a way to tell him 'I know you love me. I don't need February 14th for you to show me you do that everyday'.
I was able to go to my kids' class parties. Fourth grade was fun they made clay love monsters, did games with candy hearts, had a yummy treat that wasn't all sugar, and something else I missed because it was time to go to first grade. I helped plan this one. We had such a good time we did a craft, Valentine's true and false game, Cupid bingo game with candy hearts for the markers, and fruit for a snack. It was a very fun way to spend the day.
For dinner we had a heart shaped meatloaf, desert was a heart shaped chocolate cake with strawberries that I made, yummy. At dinner we made mention on different things we love about each other.
It turned out to be a very fun day.
I have a lot of people in my life that I love and I hope that I tell and show them often how important they are to me. I also have a lot of people who love me and I know it and know I'm blessed to have each of these people in my life. Having all this love tells met two big things, I'm special, if this many amazing people love me there must be some special thing about me too and I'm very lucky.

New Year

I love the start of a new year. For the last five years it's started with tons of fun with the kids and cousins sleep over new years party, but I must say this year was the best. We had our three kids, (the baby went to bed at 8), plus six more kids, we stayed up way late, ate a bunch of junk, played on the wii, and made a ton of noise. It really was a great way to start a new year.
Every year I look back a see what I liked and what I'd like to do better. I like that we moved I'd like to keep living with just my cute little family. I like that I started running, I am working on running a half marathon in October this year (anyone want to join me?). I don't like how many dates I had with my husband, we are going to go out more this year. Our summer was more fun two years ago so I think we'll do this summer more like that. I have a few personal goals I'm working on. We didn't do well at family home evening, prayer, or scripture reading. We are going to spend the first six months working on FHE and family prayer and then add scriptures in for the second half of the year. Nothing beats your goals like adding too many all at once.
I am so excited to get even more in my life then I already have. And it all starts with me and the work I'm willing to put into my own life. I got a job in December, which is turning out to be a really good one for me. Having that little bit of extra money will really help to make this an absolutely great year.
Even though the Mayan calendar and Nostradamus say this year is the end of the world, I think 2012 is going to be the best year!!